On the Move

We moved around a lot. A LOT. The first few years of my life we moved around because my Dad was in the military. After they split, though, we kept moving. Starting over. And over.

In 2nd grade I went to 10 different schools. I'll never forget that number because it shocked me when I counted them up that year. I think all the moving may have contributed to my shyness and inability to make friends easily.

I've only lived in 5 states but I've lived in TONS of different cities and TONS of different apartments and houses. Each time we uprooted, my heart would break. I thought for sure this time, or this time, or this time would be the right place for us. Some of the moving was due to the lack of jobs in the area or a boyfriend or an eviction.

I was her partner which meant I had just as much responsibility for the move as she did. Packing, moving and unpacking. Putting together furniture. Even at 8. We sometimes laugh about how we use to yell at each other during the moves, carrying heavy boxes an furniture. It was a lot to handle.

Growing up, I was always the new girl. I never stayed in a school for consecutive years until sophomore year in high school. It's tough being the new girl as a kid. Other kids aren't open to letting new ones into their groups. They don't care to get to know you. You get made fun of. You are alone a lot. You hold back tears a lot and your head feels like it's going to explode. You might get lucky and one nice girl will talk to you and after a few months you might consider her your friend. Someone to cling to to help save you from drowning in anger and sadness and silence. Or you might just stay quiet for an entire school year.

I like to be alone. I need my alone time. To be quiet, to do my own thing. I must have gotten use to being alone.

Sometimes now I get the urge to move, to change my surroundings. Like it's built into me now. Yet, it's comforting to stay in the same place for a long while. If I feel that urge coming on, I like to change something like a wall color or a picture frame. It's funny how all those painful experiences of change where I'm ripped away from friends or a school I love have effected me. They make me crave change sometimes.

Maybe that's why I liked (and like) to read so much. No matter what change was going on in my life, I could count on taking my books with me and immersing myself in their world. To get away from mine.