Digging Deeper

As I said in my previous post, I think she is bipolar. Mentally ill. Something's not right and hasn't been right for the majority of her life. Thinking about this for a decade or so, I finally did some real research this year.

The shoe fits.

I also found sites and forums where others tell their stories. They all sound just like mine. I'm glad I'm not alone in my thinking and experiences but I'm also really sad. Sad that this exists and tears families apart, sad that she won't get help.

She's been through so many horrible things in her life: abuse, neglect, more abuse. But, that's not my story to tell. I'm sure I only the half of it. No one can escape those experiences unscathed.

According to the mayo clinic, there are 3 different categories of bipolar disoder: bipolar I, bipolar II and cyclothymia. I believe she is bipolar II with a touch of bipolar I: mood swings, hypomania and depression. The striking similarities in symptoms that we observe:

During the hypomania stage:

1. inflated self-esteem (demanding respect at the cost of losing relationships, everyone else is messed up and she is normal and fine)
2. poor judgement
3. rapid speech
4. agressive behavior
5. agitation/irratability
6. spending sprees or unwise financial decisions (buying unecessary things, obsession with craigslist, filling home with hobby supplies that go unused, unable to budget money)
7. increased drive to peform or acheive goals
8. inability to concentrate (jumps from subject to subject quickly, during an argument or conversation)
9. careless or dangerous use of drugs/alcohol (not any more but was a major problem in the 90s)
10. poor performance at work or school (hasn't held a job for more than 3 months in last 4 years)

During the depressive stage:

1. sadness
2. hopelessness
3. suicidal thoughts or behavior (often when I was very young, still talks about it now or brings it out in an argument)
4. anxiety
5. sleep problems (wakes in the middle of the night and can't go back to sleep)
6. loss of interest in daily activities
7. problems concentrating (jumps from subject to subject quickly, during an argument or conversation)
8. irratability
9. chronic pain without a known cause (always in pain or discomfort, takes a lot of motrin/tylenol, digestive issues etc)
10. poor performance at work or school (hasn't held a job for more than 3 months in last 4 years)

Of course other types of episodes and syptoms occur with this disorder. Others might include the rapid cycling of moods, change in moods with the change of seasons and psychosis. All of which I beleive she has experienced or is experiencing.

The combination of these things makes it very hard for bipolar people to keep relationships.

I believe there is hope. If she'll just get some help. Get on some medicine that can help her live a more normal life. We might have a chance at a relationship.