I have this reoccurring dream. Well, actually, it's a real memory that comes back to me through a reoccurring dream. Not a lot but often enough to notice it must be something that damaged me or at the least, still bothers me.
I was young, maybe around 4 or 5. We were staying with her mother. It was just her and I, so we slept on the sofa that folded out into a bed. I woke up in the morning to find myself alone. I got up trying to find her and she was gone. I run out the door to find her walking with a suitcase along the road. I run to her crying and asking why she is leaving me, where is she going? She's getting on a bus to go back to California. Why aren't you taking me with you?
No questions get answered. I have this horrible pain in my heart and lump in my stomach. This feeling of terror and emptiness. She's leaving me. I'll be all alone with her mother is a cruel and terrible person. She doesn't want me anymore. She gets on the bus and my body won't stop convulsing with the sobs that are tearing through it. I can't get my breath.
She left me behind.
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